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– Bọn tui check 1 tí hoy. Đy mà!!!
Stagnant.
– Nooooooo!!! *voice breaking* Stagnant. *ư ử*
What time is it?
– It’s one pm.
– Nooooo!!!!
– Why? It’s lunch time.
– Mmph, I just wanna act dramatic once in a while.
– Even you? Boy golly.
– I have no idea what you just said. But…
We’re seriously craving some giả cầy.
– Luckily… *puts on sunglasses indoors* we got chu covered.
– You mean, we got ourselves… covered. *puts on the usual glasses*
– Yeah. Slathered in turmeric and, pig’s feet. Burnt pig’s feet.
But we’re not eating it today. We boiled some beef muscles yesterday, so we gotta finish it off.
– To be frank, we always cook up too much food.
– Yeah. But what can we do? It’s communal eating.
– Glad we never done the aluminum thing yet.
– Yeah. Hell yeah.
…
That reminds me, add mayonnaise to the shopping list.
– Got it. *scribbles*
– And yogurt.
– You do realize we’ve always got yogurt.
– Aw come on, but it was supposed to be one per day! And we didn’t stick to it.
– Big or small?
I scratch my chin profusely.
– Hmm. Good point.
***
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We had a great Women’s Day. Quarreled with Dad, he drank, he blabbered…
It’s canon now.
Kyon calls me “sushi”: つま + ししょう.
– Sushiiiii!!!
Kyon pokes me in the butt with her petite Alice in Wonderland chopsticks, as I firmly hug a block of sushi rice on a dinner plate. She’s gonna dip me in soy sauce, and golly, I hope she doesn’t bite me in half, crunchily like a fresh prawn. Please have some consideration (mercy). ^^;;
– Pwease. óωò
– “Please”… “eat me”?
– Not in that way, ma’am. I’ve got a family to feed. Including you.
– Well, you are feeding me.
– Not in that way, ma’am. I beg your mercy.
I look at Kyon with the best puppy eyes I’ve got.
– But you look like a crunchy-ahh prawn.
– I can already imagine you biting me in half.
Unlike most scenarios, this one fails to resolve.
– God, do I look THAT delicious?
– Yes you do.
Kyon brings in a vanity mirror. Then I see my booty from behind.
– Goddamn!
– Especially with the hat on.
– You’re right, I’ll keep the hat on– I-I mean, off.
The scenario changes. Now Kyon sees me skinny dipping in a bowl of soy sauce.
– Kyu…
– What are you, an egg?
– This gonna make me salty af…
– Now I kinda want to protect you.
– Maternal instincts, I see.
– A bird and her egg, of course.
…
– That sounded very weird.
– Let’s not think about it so much. I love you, I won’t eat you, and now you get to hug me and stain my clothes. Peace?
– Peace!