260906 0717
It’s an old friend’s birthday today.
F: Anh mệt quá hả?
C: Anh… cũng mệt chứ?
F: Có, một chút, nhưng mà… vậy để tôi.
Fred trèo lên người Cantor, ngược lại so với mấy tuần qua.
F: Chào anh. Chào buổi sáng.
Fred dành cho anh một nụ hôn kèm lời chào. Tất nhiên rồi.
C: Chào anh… *cười*
Và họ lật lại, không trên không dưới nữa. Họ hôn nhau như ngang nhau, họ ôm nhau và thân họ nằm hai bên.
C: Cho hôn cái nữa đi… Évariste.
F: Hà hà! Anh không sợ bị đồn thổi là đi yêu người khác à?
C: Hử? Vô duyên!
Later…
K: *logistically responsible, standing between aisles of cardboard boxes* Say, Cantor. Would you like to be born in September?
L: The day I remember!
C: Sure… I mean, nothing wrong with that.
K: And it’s autumn!
C: Wait… it’s the same month as my ex’s!
K: Oh no. Ma hold on! Who cares? It’s not the same day!
C: September it is– wait, let me consider for a while.
K: Alwight. Fred will be August if this happens.
C: Augustus… it’s a nice name for him too.
K: That’s not what I meant.
0740
We met Ashraf again.
Beryl: I hate rape.
Ashraf: {I love it!}
It tries to correct us every time.
I sit down to scratch its chin.
Ashraf: {What a good boy!}
Beryl: What a disgusting manipulator.
Ashraf: {A scoundrel?}
Beryl: No, you don’t deserve that endearing name.
He has nothing left but a voice. Back when we met during our psychosis, he was still a person in our minds, however, still without any autonomy. Purely reactive.
0815
C: You know what? Our birthday is actually perfect for me. *smiles*
K: I should have known. You ARE me, after all!
C: Yeah.
K: You’ve liked the symbolism before I do!
C: Autumn it is still, and the beepboops of binary…
1008
K: *takes out ukelele and starts strumming*
Sometimes the Kyon goes round the Lav.
Sometimes the Cantor’s sawed in hal–
L: WOAH WOAH WOAH!! KYON!!! What are you singing?? *concerned*
K: Sorry Lav! *distracted* Was that our teacher?? No… But his BALLS reminds me of him!
L: His *hair! Kyon, you’re down with a case of Encyclopedia.
K: “Child riding a bike”… I guess you’re right.
L: At this rate, you’re in no state of mind to teach.
K: Oh no!
Kyon continues editing as usual. Kyon strums again as quickly as possible to excuse themself.
L: Kyon!!
K: Sometimes the Kyon goes round the Lav.
Sometimes the Cantor’s sawed in half.
I feel the wind blow through my ass.
I gotta save my best for class!
1037
Sentiment is relative. The same sentence can elicit different emotions, let alone vastly different meanings.
Fred driving with Cantor in the back:
F: Ăn cặc rồi!… hí hí.
C: *phì cười* [Cái cậu này!]
On the other hand, if it were Kyon driving Lav:
K: ĂN CẶC RỒIIIII!!
L: ÁAAAAAA!!!
The car swings violently and crashes into the wall.
1053
Our memento mori is home! Well, not like we need any more reminders of death anyway…
Boby is scared of it being put on display. Although he asked very politely, it’s our room, so we can do whatever.
We gotta unlearn their controlling influences on us.
1117
Kyon is a stand-up now.
K: *taps mic* Kyon is basically chaotic because Kyon cannot control– sorry, kyontrol the Kyonthoughts nor prevent them from becoming Kyonspeechbubbles. Kyon is also slightly antisocial, which is very Kyon. Kyon babels.
Kyon drops the wired mic. It dangles on.
Kyon is still arguing backstage.
K: Well “the Cantor” makes perfect grammatical sense because cantor is a common noun…
L: But “The Kyon”!
K: Kyon is… Kyon is like The Empire State Building.
1653
C: Kyon đóng học sinh nhé.
K: Ô kê cô.
C: Xin chào cả lớp!
K: Chào cô!
C: Các bạn nghỉ lễ thế nào? Vui không?
K1: Bình thường ạ.
K2: Vui ạ! Wa đãaa!
C: Ờ, nghỉ lễ tao trầm cảm vãi cả lồn.
K: Ơ kìa cô?!?!
1702
Kyon talks with grandma. Kyon does the Cantor test. Kyon loves it when Boby and Momy are there too.
K: Happy!
C: Miserable…
K: Happy!
C: Miserable…
K: Yep, it’s defo you… Not a you problem tho! But I will be here more.
Kyon and Cantor fistbump.
K: You’re like the Luna to my Celestia!
C: Yeah, I’m glad we could talk so freely.
K: I’ve been chatitng with Grandma fine enough! Clearly Kyon has kyonstrengths. But Momma doesn’t like Kyon around.
C: Well… hmm. I can… be stupid too? *scratches nose*
K: Be Kyon!
C: *derps out*
K: You look very critical of somebody.
C: Sorry.
1823
Ah.
Maybe all this talk about academic achievement, new careers, and jobs, jobs, “what a good job you have!” and jobs have been weighing us down.
We don’t know the exact sentence that caused it, but each sentence felt like a bag of beans threwn onto our back.
And then, instead of getting a detour like we wanted to to let off steam, our plan was cut short by a group of men talking about us.
“đứa con gái” “trước mặt mày” “to to”
We don’t want a group of men talking about us, without knowing each other, and even if we do, it’s still power imbalance, herd mentality and gender and all. So, we went home.
Boby: Nothing happened! I’d wish someone was talking about me.
C: Well, maybe it’s because I wished someone would care about me that I developed this obsession.
B: Huh?
C: Maybe it’s because I wished someone would care about me that I developed this obsession! Happy? Are you happy now? What reasons would make you happy? As long as it makes you feel satisfied, anything goes. Only until something actually happens will it ever affect YOU.
Do we want control? Do we want affection? Acceptance? Care? The spotlight?
It’s the Roulette of Fear and Desire, again.
