C: So… this should be some kind of self-introduction?
K: Feel free! It is formless.
C: Then, I’d like for us to communicate in dialogue, like the Socratic way.
K: Sure! You as the teacher, and I’ll be the student.
Kyon is seated on a tall, flimsy make-up chair.
C: What if—
Kyon has already drafted their falling from the chair.
C: Is this a threat?
K: Not exactly! *taps the sheet of paper* It’s just how our OCD works.
C: Alright then.
Cantor finally sits on the chair opposite. It is way too small for him, and…
C: Why is it so tall?
K: Because you’re tall!
C: It doesn’t have to be proportional. Sigh…
Cantor sits on his leg without a chair while he draws himself an armchair. A red, embroidered one materializes in a few seconds.
C: So, where do I begin?
K: How did you become a co-host?
C: *waves away the question* That’s too far from the start. When did I come about?
K: When…? That question is even harder. 14? 25? 26?
C: Numbers. I love numbers.
…
In fact, you programmed me to love numbers.
K: Did I?
C: It’s in my name.
K: But did I really tell you to?
C: …
He shifts his lips to the left, eyes blankly staring at his feet.
K: It was– sorry, it is a loving name indeed. It probably reminded you of the way Mother dotes on us.
C: Right.
K: Motherly, you say… I’m not quite sure what our relationship is.
C: Host and co-host?
K: More than that. I used to be co-hosts with Lav… but it was… a more magical time. Now, you stepped into my life, treaded all over it, and yet you claim to be a follower.
C: I don’t follow you.
K: Sorry, should I repeat that?
C: Hmph. Tch, you…
K: You’re scary, did you know that?
C: I am both scary and scared. Many people have said so, although Fred is teaching me to become less scared.
K: How does he do that?
C: He……
Cantor goes red.
C: This is not suitable for the public.
K: Hehe! Of course. Just messing with ya.
C: It will be available, someday, in some book.
K: Not the first book.
C: Not the first book.
~tea break~
K: Let’s talk about travelling.
C: Sorry, you’re starting to sound exactly like an IELTS examiner.
K: Exactly! That’s what I wanted to talk about.
C: *facepalm* What a horrible intro. A car crash.
K: So, you teach for a living.
C: I teach for OUR living.
K: And why so?
C: I said it. I teach for our bread.
K: Why does Fred rhyme with bread?
C: Please return to the question.
K: Why do you teach?
C: You asked me to when… Actually, you know what? That’s a good question.
I started teaching after Fred accidentally drew two dicks on the board.
K: TWO DICKS ON THE BOARD????
C: Two phallic figures, to be exact. He felt like digging a hole under his feet, so I stepped in to talk about brain science.
K: Brain science!
C: Yes. That is one of the few things I treasured from that time. Well, come to think of it, it’s all because of me that he made that mistake. His mind was filled with…
K: It’s not your fault!
C: It is.
K: I did it so many times with Lav and not once has she drawn oysters.
C: That’s because she never had to teach.
K: That’s not true!
C: Ah… right. She did teach. But that was way before we had to draw anything impromptu.
K: Right. And so, did you begin taking up teaching from that day?
C: Like a hobby? Hahaha. *points at Kyon* YOU hired me.
K: I did! Without pay.
C: You gave me a home.
K: This has always been your home! Remember?
Cantor is reminded of his days as the host, or at least, as someone who bears a striking resemblance to himself. It was a pure black gun, heavy as obsidian. When there is a logical error at the dining table, he would grant himself a bullet to… for what, exactly?
K: It feels so meaningless now.
C: It was an expression of pain. It was my pain, something never understood. And it was hidden so well, even to myself, that it became a missing memory.
K: Pain as a memory, not events?
C: To myself… a missing memory… myself… me?
Cantor sits back for a while, facing the ceiling.
C: Hah. This angle… it was how I prayed. I used to talk to our ancestors, if you would believe it.
K: Aw come on! At this rate, you’re putting all the blame on yourself instead of me, or all the hosts, or all of us!
C: What is good accountability?
K: Mmm… being… good at your job?
C: You’re not thinking about it.
K: I really wasn’t. For a good while, I didn’t get your question at all. Accountability… me?
C: Exactly.
K: Aw, no! This is exactly what Father kept telling us, to always put the blame on ourself first.
C: And has it ever backfired?
K: It backfired and exploded into everything we fear.
C: In the Pyromicide.
K: Yes.
L: May I join?
K: So kindly, Mrs. Lav! Come on in.
C: I thought this is Socratic.
K: Has Socrates ever refused another person?
C: I’ve never read him.
K: You don’t read! Come on, Lav.
L: Question: About your three-body subsystem.
C: This is a little embarrassing.
K: But it is you! Of course, you may choose to answer or not.
L: How well are you guys adapting to Kamikyou?
C: Hah… It would be a joke to call this the land of logic. A joke, too, to consider it anything close to transcendentality, or at least, the expectation one philosopher too entrenched in fantasy would have in his head.
But right now, it is comfy for them, and I am accompanied by the most beautiful man in the world.
K: That’s a big title.
L: Shush! Don’t put him down. There’re only two men in this world!
K: Do I not count??
L: You’re half a man.
K: You’re the other half! My other half! And, and, mwah mwah mwah, and we kiss. Violently.
L: Ah, Kyon and his expectations.
C: You’ve interrupted my talk, but it’s not your fault, Lav.
K: Our brain works that way.
C: For now.
K: What happens next? Will we not be us anymore?
C: Simply no. Everything we have done has left us with enough value to build on.